Best Seller


I guessed writing could be fun

"there's a book in everyone"

(So they say) and thus thought I'd try my hand

At a sexy steamy gripper

-          a real bodice ripper

But it didn't go exactly as I'd planned

I locked myself away

         for several hours every day

And my novel grew…it slowly took on form

it took quite some time to write

 (almost two years - I thought it might)

- But I finished it - a new best seller born

I asked my husband, he agreed

 to my request that he proof-read

He was very complimentary ……and then

He became somewhat astounded

Astonished and dumbfounded

When he found his name emblazoned on page ten

At first his ego grew

He read on to chapter two

- then he quickly skimmed his way through further pages

He said "the name might be the same

but my character's been changed

I'm psychotic and seem prone to violent rages"!

He was angry and dejected

...Said he couldn't be objective

So I needed someone else to cast an eye

My dad said he'd critique

But then had a fit of pique

Said "It's slander" but would not expand on why...

        I asked my sister for her view

She had a slow flick  through

but she wasn't all that pleased with what she read

"You've painted me all wrong

- I'm a dim and dozy blonde"

Without a single brain cell in my head"

So I told her not to bother

And instead I asked my mother

If she'd read it -and she did - then hit the roof

She said her character was "boozy"

 was "an over-fifties floozie"

And that nothing could be further from the truth

Then my family got together

and deliberated whether

They would have a legal claim for compensation

They found out what they'd need to do

if they did decide to sue

- And so ended all my hopes of publication

Two years of my life

was now the cause of endless strife

It had never been intended as malicious

I said "It's easy to disclaim

 ...You just put 'characters and names

bear no resemblance to real people' - they're fictitious"

I thought I'd stand my ground

but suddenly I found

That I wasn't welcome in my parent's home

And things grew far worse still

When they removed me from their Will

As a mark of their resentment at my tome

So I let the family win

and it went into the bin

I didn't think it worthy of such strife

(Although I'm sure it would have been

a hit in print…..on stage….. and screen)

 ... And it would've set my family up for life!