The Look

The magazines told me that this seasons cuties

Would be women who opted for "natural beauty"

If I wanted to be one that men would adore

I had to remember the rule "less is more"

The articles said the palette would mean

That this seasons shades suited eyes that were green

And thin lips were out - they just can't take the colours

Which was said looked far better on lips that were fuller

Just forget the whole thing if you're hair was brunette

(Blonde was the hair tone to gain best effect)

If you were short - pull it off you just might

But the overall look suited women of height

Now pale skin was out - I read in the book

That skin should be blessed with that fresh "sun kissed look"

And the cut of the clothes wasn't meant for flat-chested

This season big boobs were the thing to be blessed with

The colours and fabrics suited frames that were trim

(With a bum that when out and a tum that went in)

So I flicked through the pictures (and had a quick bawl I knew I required a complete overhaul)

Cats-eyes were trending (mine are blue, I'm afraid

So I bought fashion contacts in a bottle-green shade

.....My eyesight is perfect - it's a case of aesthetics -

no practical function - they're purely cosmetic)

My lips caused concern- they were thin - this was bad

But they fattened up nicely with collagen jabs

'Though my hair needed work - dark brown was all wrong

So I forked out hard cash to turn Norwegian blonde

I'm afraid I was badly let down by my figure

(But a 'Wonderbra' soon made my boobs look much bigger)

And my poor pasty skin... well that just had to go

So I brought home a sun-bed for that "all-year-round" glow

Being short a problem but high heels were the cure

(I bought eight-inch stilettos ........but can't walk anymore)

My bottom and stomach proved to be the last hurdle

Which was solved when I purchased a surgical girdle

I've now got 'The Look'...... though it's taken a while

But I'm up there with best when it comes to my style

So it's lumpy, uncomfy, but hey what the hell?

I'm opting for beauty that's "au naturelle"!