Home Movies


My husband's camcordering

hobby is bordering

On obsession and nowhere is safe

So whatever you do

lock the door to our loo

- Lest a camera be stuck in your face


He's ever so keen

(think's he David McLean

Or Spielberg with an epic in mind)

If it moves then he'll tape it

-there's no means of escape its

simply a question of time


Whatever the task

it's a film master class

no matter how dull or mundane

feeding cats ....or dog walking......

on the telephone talking........

- the camera's there once again


I'm washing the pots

and he's getting zoom shots

of the bowls being stacked in the rack

I'm drying a plate

- getting rather irate

and he's close to a knife in his back


I get highly offended

when he says my rear end

is in need of a wide screen to view it

at the end of my tether

 I'm wondering whether

to grab it and stick my fist through it


Since he's bought it  I've found

friends have stopped popping round

- they can't cope with the "all seeing eye"

a brief afternoon call

and they're caught warts and all

we're off all the guest lists - that's why


I've decided to do

a home movie or two

if you can't beat 'em join 'em and so

TV "X" have agreed

that I'm just what they need

- Viewers Wives?.... I'm the star of the show!