Pussed Off

 I'm sorry - I'm lodging a protest I need

To vent my frustration I'm severely aggrieved

Standards are slipping - I'm suffering so

I'm voicing displeasure - I think you should know

There's a number of things causing dissatisfaction

and as you're the cause, I suggest you take action

Look at my cat bowl - you'll see what I mean

it's foul and disgusting - I want haute cuisine

I want moist food with flavour (and gravy as well)

-That "stuff" that you buy is revolting - the smell

is enough to make any cat sick - can't you see

I've a delicate palate - no cheap food for me

But whilst gourmet pet food, at a pinch, would suffice

…some chicken or salmon, twice a week, would be nice

And I'm also aware that the vet said you oughta

cut out all the milk and then just give me water

The vet is a fool - I drink milk, I feel fine

So ignore what he says - it's not his tum - it's mine

And… I don't understand why, when you spot a mouse

You think it's My Job to de-rodent the house

I don't bring them in - you won't let me (I've tried)

and the ones that I catch can't cause trouble (they've died)

…But I wouldn't kill things if I wasn't ignored

(Just buy me more cat toys - I'll stop getting bored)

- And whilst I'm complaining - I need my own place

Somewhere comfy and cosy - my "pussonal" space

So the chair by the fire is intended for me

- When friends come to call they can use the settee

So don't turf me off when I'm having a cat-nap

and throw me outside and then seal up the cat-flap

You don't know how lucky you are that I'm staying

(Things are so bad I'm considering straying)

You're on your last warning, if things don't improve

I'm afraid you'll be cat-less - I'll just have to move!

 

 

Audio version available at:
https://soundcloud.com/nicholavaughan/pussed-off